scrolling up and down

bismillah.

someone said : " saadah dah lama tak update bloggg.."
and today i got to open my blog. then, i see the last post was on 6 April 2014. hehe.. xde lah lambat sangat rasanya.. mungkin dia selalu bukak blog ni kott(?) haha,.. ok, perasan terlebih.

btw, i want to write something related to the title actually. but, i don't know if its going to work out since i'm the one who love to do something called " mencapah". hehe

scrolling up and down my old post to know how my writing is, is it just about exploding my anger (?) ( yela, da 2 post pasal marah kan ). or how i expressed my writing. but then, i realized i used to write my monologue.. (maknanya budak ni selalu ada masalah dalaman la tu, masalah  jugak ni, haish).

i don't know on how to write serious post, i don't know to write long post, or something that can bring us closer to knowedge. huh... there's too much " huh ". stop sighing pleaseeeee.
ok, da stat mencapah.

back to the topic,
before this, i read an article the title is " five things you can do to become writer " and here the link so that you and me can refer to this link.
>>> http://writersrelief.com/blog/2011/03/become-a-better-writer/

azam baru sebelum balik:

1) settle kan penulisan, mesti ada improvement!
2) settle kan bahan2 fikrah klu tak semua at least da settle half.
3) settle kan ilmu fardu ain yg orang2 akan tanya pelajar jordan yang xberapa nak ada perasaan sangat nih.

TASTELESS.

i dont know this lately, everything seems to be so painful. until at one point i feel tasteless.
maybe my heart just being too fragile this lately, it broke many times ( this is an assumption, perhaps)
so, the outcome is i lost my heart (?)

when talking about losing my heart, the truth is it wasn't about the fragile me.. it's about how hard my heart has became beacause of my sins. my mountain of sins bring me to the bottom of this earth. HINA!

but then the journey began, i started to find my heart. the first step started with staying at Irsal. rumah qawiyyy kott. ngee~~

there i got the biah i wanted, i got to wake up for qiyam. yeay!!! (oppsss alhamdulillah..)
but something really2 touched my heart, i accompanied them to tidy their whole kitchen  ( just as an accompany without even helping them.. opss.. hehe)

they heard to songs while tidying up, until my hear catch a song titled "tangisan sebatang tamar"
here the lyrics:

• Sedu sedan itu bak ratapan si kecil
•  Yang rindu belaian dan perhatian
•  Yang mendambakan kasih dan sayang
•  Dari seorang insan yang penyayang
•  Tangisan itu dari sebatang tamar
•  Yang sebelumnya menjadi mimbar
•  Sandaran Rasul
•  Tika menyampai khutbah
•  Diganti mimbar baru
•  Kerna keuzurannya
•  Kisah tangisan sebatang tamar
•  Menyentuh hati melonjak belasan
•  Benarkah aku cinta
•  Benarkah aku rindu
•  Sedangkan tak pernah gugur airmataku
•  Mengenangkanmu
•  Tangisan itu dari sebatang tamar
•  Yang sebelumnya menjadi mimbar
•  Sandaran Rasul
•  Tika menyampai khutbah
•  Diganti mimbar baru
•  Kerna keuzurannya
•  Betapa gelapnya hatiku ini
•  Untuk menghayati perjuanganmu
•  Betapa angkuhnya diriku ini
•  Untuk menghargai perjuanganmu
•  Ya Rasulullah ingin aku menjadi
•  Sebatang tamar yang menangis
•  Rindu kepadamu
•  Ya Rasulullah biarlah aku hanya
  
  Sebatang tamar
•  Namun dapat bersamamu
•  Di dalam syurga
•  Tangisan itu dari sebatang tamar
•  Yang sebelumnya menjadi mimbar
•  Sandaran Rasul
•  Tika menyampai khutbah
•  Diganti mimbar baru
•  Kerna keuzurannya
  
  
  lagu ini menyebabkan air mata ku gugur jua setelah sekian lama ianya kering dek dosa2 yang telah menodai.
  
  i do hope that my journey would end with a good ending, that i would find and place my heart into it's place with a new look(celupan keimanan).